Unintentionally Funny, Must-Watch Bollywood Movies: Guzaarish

Now this is a true story about my Guzaarish watching experience. So, me and a friend walk into the hall thinking that we’re 10 minutes late. The movie’s obviously already started but we figure it couldn’t be too hard to catch up. And it wasn’t, for the most part. Or so we thought. Because 45 minutes later, the end credits start rolling and we realize that we’d walked into the wrong hall… And what we’d obliviously been watching all that time was actually the second half of the movie.

Now, when you don’t realize that you’ve missed an entire half of a movie and are still able to make perfect sense of what’s going on, you know you’re not exactly dealing with cinematic gold here. And cinematic gold, Guzaarish definitely is not!

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Rating 4.53 out of 5

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124 Responses to “Unintentionally Funny, Must-Watch Bollywood Movies: Guzaarish”

  1. Abdul Muhsin says:

    hahahahahahahhahahahahhah lol !! one of the best i’ve read ! three thumbs up for the vigil idiot :-)

  2. BollywoodGandu says:

    Awe-freaking-some stuff!

  3. Asha Tampa says:

    One of your best! Been dying for a Guzaarish blaster since I saw the previews on tv!

    So, um, let me get this straight – she kills him?

  4. xinosten says:

    Are you watching closely! ๐Ÿ˜€

  5. As your regular reader, i cn say this with a certain credibility : This review was as dour as the movie and lacked punches. May be the movie wasnt “ripp-able” or something …

    Why dont you rip potter apart ? Worst potter mov ever….

    • himadri says:

      This movie was absolutely “rip” worthy…What loads of crap? The movie was inspired from a movie called “Sea Inside”…watch that.

  6. Saurabh says:

    Dude!! Best.Review.Evah.

  7. 67 says:

    where is the scratchy ball joke??

  8. Mona Jha says:

    “Bitch, talk to the paralysed hand”. Haha!

  9. ashish agrawal says:

    amazing job.. ! wat saracasm // loved the line sofia dresses like “she’s in naughty america video” !
    ROFL.. ~

  10. Nitin says:

    “And you left also. True love wonly.”
    ROFL. Classic

  11. soubhik says:

    bwahahahaha ๐Ÿ˜€

  12. Elizabeth says:

    Ha ha ha…

    The only problem is that I can never make myself to watch any of the movies that you have wrote about…. Sometimes I want to wring your neck for denying me the opportunity of quitting the movie half way through… that is also a pleasure…

  13. Dude, brevity, have you heard of it?

    You are like Indian XKCD / Abstruse Goose, only less funny & with gazillion panes, with boringly long explanations.

    Every salesman knows that when you deliver the punch line, STOP. You’ve made your point, don’t oversell.

    • Josafodathekal says:

      Dude..go easy…no one forced u to read him…what he writes, there are a lot of us who thoroughly enjoy it…sell ur ideas somewhere else…

  14. Shiv says:

    Splendid read. I was in splits. You helped save 300 rupees and 3 hours.

    The trailer always made me think it was black and red ‘saawariya’. hee.

  15. AM says:

    I am a regular reader…
    But seriously dude this was not even funny…
    May be cos you did not go beyond the main story or something but this strip was weak….

  16. Amod says:

    Kick-a$$ as ever Sahil…did you even notice that wizard…not magician, not illusionist, used the same assistant as the ‘supposed audience volunteer’ for all his acts…and the no background for his sabotaged act was just dumbbbbb…

  17. Imroz says:

    Hilarious dude!! Brilliant review…which is the least I can say about the movie ๐Ÿ˜›

  18. Ankit says:

    Dude! You keep getting better at this! Awesome! Two thumbs up!

  19. Mangat says:

    Too good… a justified and hilarious review… these kind of fucked up movies deserve this

  20. richatweets says:

    Beg to differ with the gentleman above..you’re NOT AT ALL like xkcd/abstrusegoose. or any other american webcomic. Our indian movies are 3 fucking hours long, obviously their comic spoofs deserve more than 30 panes, no?

    They seriously didn’t install a ramp in his house?! What, it would’ve messed up the art decor or summin? Fuck-turd-ness!

  21. Udayan says:

    havent had the privilege of seeing this one yet, but that ramp bit is too much! have to see it just for that now.

  22. Shivram says:

    Incredibly funny..
    Been following your site for a short while, but finished reading all entries..
    Keep it up man.. :)

    Shiv.

  23. Nishant Jain says:

    Three thumbs down! Hahaha!

  24. pradeep says:

    ROFLMAO funny to the core man ………

  25. Chandni says:

    HILARIOUS!! Best one was Talk to the paralyzed hand hahahahahhaha

  26. NagPingili says:

    Wonder why no one commented about the “Three ‘thumbs’ down” !! ROFL ROFL :)

  27. Rahul says:

    Fuckin’ awesome!!

  28. really ... awful! says:

    @richatweets VigilIdiot is not xkcd/abstrusegoose was exactly my point. He’s more like theoatmeal, but isn’t colourful, funny, or original.

    Mostly what VigilIdiot does is add *chan memes (which are actually funny, and brief) and few curses to movie scripts. Not so funny when you spend 3 pages exaplaining the fuck out of it.

    One might think I have an axe to grind against thevigilidiot, but I don’t.

    Here’s something – The best illustration of the value of brief speech reckoned in dollars
    was given by Mark Twain. His story was that when he had listened for
    five minutes to the preacher telling of the heathen, he wept, and was
    going to contribute fifty dollars, after ten minutes more of the sermon,
    he reduced the amount of his prospective contribution to twenty-five
    dollars, after half an hour more of eloquence, he cut the sum to five
    dollars. At the end of an hour of oratory when the plate was passed, he
    stole two dollars.

    • Sahil Rizwan says:

      Ayyo! Those guys are all god-level, dude! Taking their name here even in a negative comparison is disrespect of the highest order. Don’t! =p

      Also, I’ve been doing this for about a year and a half. This is actually one of the shorter reviews I’ve done. I think we can all agree that brevity and subtle sarcasm and Mark Twain are concepts lost on me. =)

      And I also totally agree about the 4chan lingo recycling thing. I swear, I’ve said the exact same things about my comics on Twitter or the Facebook page or someplace. High-Five, dude! Same wavelength wonly.

      Having said all that, people are still reading. So, no point trying to better myself just yet. When the larger audience catches on to the awfulness, I shall strive for more depth. Promise. Really. =)

      • Shveta says:

        Hey…so you’re not *exactly* like xkcd/abstrusegoose…do you have to be be? The way you do it is different, good and fun…and not not superfluous. Why would you want to cut it down? Aaaand Indian movies are 3 h+…you need that many panes (or more) to do them justice.

      • sri says:

        Sahil, forget brevity. we are Indian. we are like that only !!!

    • Lavanya says:

      OMG can we just take this for what it is – a funny review of an awful movie! It always amazes me how some people have SO MANY opinions on things & yet never find the time/take the effort to put out something that’s much better (unless of course they don’t have the skill to… in which case what are they complaining about?!?!) If you really think it’s so awful then please do make a much better one for all of us to admire (which we will) – until then… :)

      Sahil – wonderful job! I am still quite maddened about the fact that they totally ripped off a brilliant Spanish movie. It almost makes me want to say “Donde. Esta.” in suppressed anger. Also Aishwarya Rai should stop acting ๐Ÿ˜

      • really ... awful! says:

        > It always amazes me how some people have SO MANY opinions on things & yet never find the time/take the effort to put out something thatโ€™s much better (unless of course they donโ€™t have the skill toโ€ฆ in which case what are they complaining about?!?!)

        > If you really think itโ€™s so awful then please do make a much better one for all of us to admire (which we will) โ€“ until thenโ€ฆ

        And in same breath –

        > Also Aishwarya Rai should stop acting

        Holy sweet Irony, batman!

        So you are entitled to opinion (may be because you have vajayjay?) and others’ opinions are jealousy-filled rants? Bitch, puh-lease!

        @sahil ‘If it’s not broken, it doesn’t have enough features yet’ is what I believe. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Obviously you have great fan-following (including me), so yes, not fixing what’s obviously not broken works too. Keep rocking, bro-ski!

        • Lavanya says:

          Well, I could say that Sahil doesn’t exactly ask us to shell out $15 (or the equivalent amount in rupees) to read his comic strips, like how Aishwarya does for her movies and hence, due to that kind of financial stake we would very well be justified in making comments about her acting prowess (or lack thereof).

          Also that if someone is doing this as a hobby and (let me reiterate) for FREE, we really have no right to make any rude comments about it. On the contrary we should probably appreciate the fact that we’re being entertained by this guy who is really not expecting ANYTHING in return on our part.

          But by saying that the above comic is ‘really awful’ you are really just showing everyone what a massive self-entitled prick you are.

          Those would all be valid points- but I suppose it wouldn’t matter, because I have a va-jay-jay & hence my opinions are of no relevance =]

          • Holden C says:

            “Also that if someone is doing this as a hobby and (let me reiterate) for FREE, we really have no right to make any rude comments about it.”

            Dear Lavanya,

            It is all right to make fun of ANYTHING in the world.

            We do it for the lulz.

            You know.

    • hh says:

      @really … awful!.. your post sounds like your name. And shows your character too… Sahil bhai.. tussi great ho… that was a great reply to ‘really … awful!’ comment. LOL

  29. jkd says:

    You missed the MOM-who-lands-up-so-like-a-ghost-and-dies-after-declaring-she-wants-her-son-dead….! WTF was THATTTTTTT!!!!!!?????
    Sahil, u r forgiven for being SO damanably lazy these last few months!
    cheers!!!

  30. Sanjay says:

    Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  31. Nakul says:

    This is just super brilliant. Awesome.

  32. Avi says:

    Mummy ko toh bhool hi gaye boss !!! Uspe to main bbahut dhamakedar stuff expect kar raha tha … But koi nahi … uske bina bhi its Awesome !!!

  33. Swetha says:

    Funny! I’m glad you pointed out that the puns and subtlety that SLB think the film carries ARE really not subtle and layered.
    Though, you’ve got to give it to Hrithik for one thing. He can act.

  34. joker says:

    Sorry your strip was not funny. Suggest you try direct a film yourself instead of making fun of a great piece of work.

    Also can you try and do a strip on MNIK if Sahil?

  35. CryingMan says:

    OMG. I am crying with laughter. You are hilarious. Now I feel bad because I’m a film maker and I hope you never see my movie but this was too funny!

  36. I just got two thumbs, so TWO THUMBS UP to you! Seriously, mate, if I had three, you would be getting a 3 thumbs up.

    Excellent!

    Read a comment describing the film as “Great piece of work” – almost choked myself.

  37. Niice!
    Stick figures, FTW!

  38. HR says:

    Pretty weak review. I agree with most of the guys who have criticised your work. It’s not the best that you have come up with.

  39. Jayadev says:

    My fav line was:

    “Your honor,I wud like to perform magic trick”
    “well,of course”

    ROFL

  40. Raja Sen says:

    You’ve been missed, sirrah :-)
    Welcome back. Tremendous fun as always, though I really wish you go back a few weeks and do Action Replayy — that one’s just begging for your treatment, believe you me.

    As for this one, I kept expecting you to go on about how he has such a blast — in the car, in the court, in the restaurant — on the one day he goes out of the house, so why the hell don’t they just wheel him out more often? It is Goa, he can stare at bikinis without wanting to see them on, um, ftv.

    Poor sod.

    • Rags says:

      I’m assuming you’re the same Raja Sen who does reviews on rediff. If so, you should know, I rely solely on your judgment before I watch a Bollywood flick. (You and lately, Sahil). You guys are like my Bollywood IMDB/Rotten Tomatoes.

  41. Meenal says:

    Dude….Three Thumbs up!!!! ^_^

  42. Arun says:

    Spot on!! I had pretty much the same experience watching this movie:
    http://arunachalamtalkies.wordpress.com/2010/11/21/movie-review-guzaarish/

    What the hell does SLB think he’s making?

  43. pallavi says:

    Dear Rizwan,

    I have recently discovered your website and your reviews make me roll with laughter. Keep up the good work

  44. Bah says:

    You and your friend are the REAL idiots here. And both the lack of realisation about walking into the wrong hall as well as the strip itself are evidence to that.

    Also PLEASE dont insult the term by calling yourselves critics.. The complexity of a script alone is by no means the only way to create cinematic magic.

    It was beautiful and aesthetic magic ! Look up what that means

    http://www.dictionary.com

    • Ethan Mascarenhas says:

      Errr……Bitch,….I mean Bah, talk to the paralyzed hand.

      • Bah says:

        great way to show your class. Not surprising at all !
        “bah” is a name coined to suit the quality of your criticism….

    • Ethan Mascarenhas 2 says:

      Second tha… @Ethan Mascarenhas

      Errrโ€ฆโ€ฆBitch,โ€ฆ.I mean Bah, talk to the paralyzed hand.

      • Ethan Mascarenhas says:

        @Ethan Mascarenhas 2

        Bhai, tum kaha gaye the itne saal? Kumbh mele me tum separate ho gaye the. Maybe we should come up with a sequel for Guzaarish. Bah can be the villain ๐Ÿ˜›

    • Vidooshak says:

      This has been the year of beautiful looking movies with no soul (or script) to suck you in. Kites, Raavan, Action Replayy and now Guzar-iiishh! On the other hand, the best films this year were the Peepli Live, Udaan and Do Dooni Char types that did not spend on swooping camera effects but had a “story” to tell.

      Thank God for the Vigil Idiot. We missed you, man! Try not to disappear again for so long. Kaafi back-log ho jaata hai…

  45. Shrikala says:

    I’m a fan =)

  46. Aarti says:

    Not as hilarious as your past reviews, but humorous enough. :)

    Good to see you back in action after the sabbactical…

  47. Rupesh says:

    Tooo bloody much……..too good

  48. Amit says:

    Wizard Certificate… EPIC!!

  49. anita says:

    i love that ‘retard’ is used so much in this wondahful review of this retarded garbage. esp liked ‘fucktard’. brilliant, as usual, only wish the movie were longer, meatier, so the comic would go on. somehow, seeing ‘you’ in your *coff* six-pack brought to mind the sholay convention. no way rakesh could’ve been squeezed into THAT party na? good job, dude!

  50. satish says:

    Total Epic Pawnage!!

  51. Parth says:

    Dude…. RESPECT!!!
    jus bang on man

  52. hh says:

    hahahahahaha… hahahahahahah… hahahah… hahahahahaha… hehehheh.. hahahahaha. hohohohoh…. hahahahahaha… heheh. hhhhuhhhh… lol… my stomach is hurting.

  53. Bhaskar Mothali says:

    You got it plumb right dude. Full points!! SLB thinks that by investing millions of rupees on sets. costumes and stars would sell his movie. He has been playing that crap for years now. Well, we all know now, “some one who liked this movie” is a magic trick in itself…hahahaha..I will read your post a dozen times more to laugh, laugh and laugh.

  54. Sinek Val says:

    It was exactly due to this reason why I did not dare watch the film. SLB is losing his marbles real fast. However, the good thing is, your review was fun to read. as always….
    Very well done.

  55. The_Flamer says:

    Very well done man ! ROFL

  56. Abhi says:

    Hey Sahil ..IMHO, this was not one of your best .. (probably because we had to wait for a while after your last one )!!
    But it was enjoyable all the same .. Thank you for saving me from watching this crap ! ๐Ÿ˜€

  57. PS says:

    Not your best…quite funny…but I guess this time around movie wins over your review.
    Bollywood=1 your reviews= gazillion.

    :)

  58. Hrishi says:

    U Saved me from watcing an awful movie dude….. also, one of the best reviews ever….
    P.S. — If You did not see the first half, do they really have so much crap in just the second half ????

  59. AVINASH RAJ says:

    its so funny narration of the whole movie…so creative..and one in all mast

  60. Shipra says:

    Nice one Sahas. But how come it gets a 4 star rating :O :O

  61. Vcat says:

    LOL. I read most of your reviews, but this is the first time I’ve commented. I recommend these to a lot of people.

    Bollywood is complete crapola. Thanks for saving me and others a lot of $$.

  62. Shweta Iyer says:

    AWESOME! Hahaa

  63. Good use of brain. However, movie is philosophical and targeted very matured audience. Almost everything – love, life is beautiful and petition etc are explained with reasons but ya we are not use to of using our brain in understanding film and end up criticizing perfect creation.

    I understand, it is very difficult to understand this film but if you don’t you should not share – It may create bad image. Your visualization is outstanding, I appreciate your views but it should not be biased toward your(alone) interpretation.

    Go and watch “No Smoking” too :-)

    • Holden C says:

      “I understand, it is very difficult to understand this film..”

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

  64. pranab says:

    the same thing happened to my brothers
    while waltching salame ishq…
    me with parents went upstairs as we were late…meanwhile 2 of my brothers were parking the car….
    minutes later when they didnt appear…we called them …the lights were off
    i asked them to come fast…..but they replied that they got the seat upstairs…
    the suspense opend when @ interval we asked him where r they???
    they replied hum movie hi toh dekh rhe hain…!!!!!
    it waz fun…they saw the second half of the film………

  65. Sharie says:

    HILARIOUS!!!! I loved, loved it! I can’t wait to go check out your other comic strips. For those who didn’t like the strip, this is a satire. He’s just making fun of the movie. It doesn’t mean that he necessarily doesn’t like it!

  66. Sambuddha says:

    Made my otherwise mundane day. You rock, as always.

  67. A says:

    “Radio Zindagi” me “Dick” ka call ata hai….

  68. saurabh says:

    Good to see u back Sahil. Not your best work though. Still good fun to see a strip after a long time. As always u raak.

  69. Tanuj says:

    Nice one Sahil … absolute bollywood basher you are .. has there been a positive review ever ??

    Here is mine…

    http://celluloidpoints.blogspot.com/2010/11/guzaarish-by-sanjay-leela-bhansali.html

  70. Chuck says:

    Who’s that muscular dude at the end?

    (Heh.)

    Superb. I’ve seen only 17 Hindi movies to date, and thanks to you, I doubt that figure’s going to change for a very, very long time.

  71. Krishna says:

    “DUDE! YOU GOD!”

  72. Krishna says:

    “and you left also. True love wonly”
    facking awesome..!!!

  73. fan says:

    have just started reading your strips and i m loving it..keep them coming dude,u raak!
    ps:marry me,will u?

  74. Atrisa says:

    Omaeegawwd, I give the comments section for this one a 5/5 rating ๐Ÿ˜› Some of the people being critical are probably your biggest fans who expect more and better from you, keep em around I say (though I do not appreciate the va-jay-jay comment, that was just wrong)

    Oye, another marriage proposal! Whatay!

  75. raunak says:

    What’s wrong with hrithik. . .?? first kites and now this. . crap !!

  76. Eliza Bennet says:

    Sahil, I missed your work man. I clicked on hoping to see Break Ka Bad and Guzaarish was a lovely suprise, wonly.

    Thank you for the laughs.

  77. Rajeev says:

    Simply Fantastic!!!

    Much more creative than Guzaarish mvoie itself and more involving.

  78. cm says:

    Hahah… simply awesome dude..u captured my emotions completely.. SLB would have recovered his money if he told the movie through ur animations..

  79. I enjoyed this review better than the movie. Good Job!

  80. Vidooshak says:

    Surprisingly, people rate this comic strip based on their own love for the movie. I remember how much hate-comments the ‘3 Idiots’ strip generated. But the point is, to enjoy the creativity of the guy who made the spoof. Mad magazine regularly spoofs really good, Oscar-winning movies. Not necessary that we can have a laugh at only the bad stuff. Laughing at otherwise good stuff is even funnier.

    Else, all Sahil had to do was review the C-grade films and they’d be funny without trying. Where’s the fun in that?

  81. manoj says:

    I was waiting for your latest review. This is very good. As soon i saw the trailer i knew the movie is a trash. The whole set, the costumes and makeup -gives an impression that the story is being taking place at some european country during some 18th century. The movie has no indian touch. The idea is stolen from many European and hollywood movies. FRom no onwards i will never see movies made by SLB

  82. mayank says:

    I havent seen the movie and i doubt i will now. The others have been better must admit but this one remains awesome for three thumbs down.. super subtle man :)

    And all those who are cribbing .. lets grow up its only a movie and this is only a spoof on same. Have fun reading it .. no one is gonna die! including SLB.

  83. Amod says:

    I could not control myself…I sent this link to SLB on his official website…http://www.sanjayleelabhansali.com/…

  84. NehaBhandarkar says:

    I feel even Suhel Seth (the doctor) should have been included in this somewhere, else he’ll be disappointed.

  85. Shubha says:

    Absolutely brilliant. The best I have read. I have never laughed so much reading a review. Only I wish the mother who popped up from nowhere to die and complicate things should have been included.

  86. Guzarish fan says:

    DUH! it aint funny! i wish u would have watched the movie instead of noting down your remarks…u would have known more prior to asking these stupid questions in the end…all of these were answered in the movie…u cold-hearted bugger!

    if you dont prefer the serious genre, leave it as there is no compulsion for u to watch it! get lost!

  87. Guzarish fan says:

    Well, i woudnt mind my name appearing here either…its Vyoma

  88. freakyshit says:

    hey sahil……just out of curiousity……did u watch mar adentro (the sea inside) the spanish movie from which this one was copied??? do u find that crappy too????

  89. jo says:

    and plastic queen’s spaz attack bongo drum beating.. what the fuck was that? she scares me.

    sahil, you have a gift brother. i see neon signs in your future.

  90. Bee says:

    OMG- this is like the best review ever ๐Ÿ˜€
    now i don wanna go thru 3 hrs of torture.. hehehehe
    cheers !

  91. Aniket says:

    Talk to the paralyzed hand biatch……..hahahahahaha
    Classic!

  92. Trishul says:

    Just awesome !!

  93. Manish says:

    Who is on the top? Group hug time, Suhel Seth ? :) Superb!

  94. Mariam says:

    There are 2 more things which were absolutely ridiculous about the movie:
    1. They did not take him out of this house for 12 years. Of course the guy is depressed! He was so happy when he went out of the house! They force him to do every other thing, but not go out of the house. Just b/c a person has a disability, doesn’t mean he can’t go out and enjoy every thing else about life.
    2. He has been paralyzed for 14 yrs, lives in this huge house with 3 employees. He is broke, so why does he employ so many ppl?
    3. The entire courtroom shifted to his house b/c it was so difficult for him to come out of the house. Again, you make it easy for people to come out of the house not take the court to his house (I will not even comment on the lawyers and how they had no properly structured case). You’re giving someone special treatment and not integrating them in your society. You ARE making them feel like they’re different and separate from us.
    4. Lastly, the door of the house was perpetually open and everyone could just walk in. Even when they did, they all randomly strolled all the way up to his bedroom with no one noticing,

  95. Raseel says:

    Awesome !!
    You are quickly becoming my best comic strip. More reviews dude …. there are way too many out there that shouldn’t be ignore

  96. Radhika says:

    Hey!!
    Please write a review for Dhobi Ghat, I would really love to read your take on it..:)

  97. Awesome !! I prefer reading your blogs than watch the movie !! ๐Ÿ˜› It only takes 10 minutes !! ๐Ÿ˜€
    Thank you for writing such posts. :) Keep it up !!

  98. hemant says:

    Pure Genius! You have terrific comedic timing. It is a gift! I have read three reviews and all three rock!

  99. CrazyFauji says:

    wizard….WIZARD!!!…SLB has watched too many potter movies methink…..:P…

  100. jai soni says:

    hahahhahahhahahahahhaha awesome review…too gud man

  101. I must verify with you here, which isn’t something I normally do! I get pleasure from reading a blog that will make folks think. Also, thanks for permitting me to comment!

  102. blog that you write so make me a hobby of reading thanks

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