Unintentionally Funny, Must-Watch Bollywood Movies: Bodyguard

As I write this, ‘Bodyguard’ is well on its way to smashing all known domestic box-office records! Of course, that isn’t saying much because Indian audiences will flock to the theaters just to see Salman Khan flex his muscles to dhol-based music for 2 hours. And let me tell you folks – That movie would be infinitely more bearable than the interminable dross that was ‘Bodyguard’!

EDIT – Mild brainwanderage seems to have happened. Kareena’s character is, in fact, called Divya and *not* Priya, like I so awesomely seem to have changed it to mid-comic here. Many thanks, commenter Shilpa!

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Rating 4.81 out of 5

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67 Responses to “Unintentionally Funny, Must-Watch Bollywood Movies: Bodyguard”

  1. Wewake says:

    FIRST!

    Holy Motherwhore! The MOST WTF thing ever – her best friend eloping with Lovely! How did they ever come up with that twist in the story?

    Maybe the writers didn’t need a body guard, they needed to something protect their heads…

  2. Wewake says:

    FIRST!

    Holy Motherwhore! The MOST WTF thing ever – her best friend eloping with Lovely! How did they ever come up with that twist in the story?

    Maybe the writers didn’t need a body guard, they needed something to protect their heads…

  3. varnana says:

    Excellent work !! as usual, good to see your latest… “and the remote controller etc., I’m not even kidding” was awesome!!ROFL

  4. Shilpa says:

    Umm. Isnt’t her name Divya? Also, what kind of bodyguard doesn’t have the number of the person he’s supposed to be guarding? That prank call thing was so weird. Glad you aren’t reviewing movies a month old any more :)

    • yorkermania says:

      divya…you seem to be too smart for a salman khan movie….dont bloody look for logic in a salman khan film plz….hez NOT KAY KAY MENON!

    • Parizad says:

      its just dat kareena’s no. has limited caller identity so dat whenever she calls anyone it wont reflect her no. instead it will show”PRIVATE NUMBER CALLING”

  5. Suprateek Chatterjee says:

    Great stuff! How come no mention of that moron who played Tsunami ‘IWILLKILLHIMIFIEVERSEEHIMINREALLIFE’ Singh? Or have you conveniently blocked those parts out?

  6. jkd says:

    u r SO kidding me. No. Thats NOT what happens. no way. no no way. whaaaat? sunny deol meets k jo?

  7. ashish says:

    howlarious !! this film was mother of all stupid films. i mean literally, can any movie be soo silly. and then be remade in 3 languages. no words to express my disgust.

    • Ram says:

      Nice 1… πŸ˜› ….. Bollywood seriously needs to inject some logic into their movies…. I saw the Malayalam and Tamil versions of the movie and though the Tamil version is not much better off, the Malayalam version is loads better and actually is more logically continuous….. Maybe because it doesnt have a bodybuilder bodygaurd who has an IQ of 95!!!

  8. bhumika says:

    OMG, Mujhse Dosti Karoge+Kuch Kuch Hota hai Flashback! HELP!

  9. satish says:

    We should make a movie outta this parody,. awesome stuff Sahil.

  10. Shruthi says:

    Eeeewwwww. Three version of this? Three “superhit” versions of this? Okay, I go watch other movies now.

  11. Lizzy says:

    Hilarious as usual! How on earth do you live through the torture of such braindead movies?? oh BTW in the second-last panel, you’ve called Lovely Lucky :) Don’t worry I can truly understand….brain shut down after sitting through the torture :)…and as Shakespeare says what’s in a name, a crap movie is a crap movie after all LOL

  12. Rolf! It can’t get anymore awesome than this :) Despite my initial apprehensions, I am now convinced that this is the movie for me this weekend :) LOL!

  13. tejas says:

    This movie sounds so WTFery, I am confused whether to watch this or Chitkabrey as a mind-fuck torture to purify from all the sins I have committed.

  14. Oindri says:

    ‘Tis not funny when you know Salman HAD to be in on the joke. It’s like trying to take down a Rajni movie – of course they don’t follow the logic of mere mortals because they’re better than that shit. You can point and laugh at a regular Joe if they decide the best way to switch travel direction is by jumping out of a passing train onto another one – but when Salman does it, you clap and totally believe it! And yes, it probably does take a random chick 2 seconds to make up her mind after getting up, close and personal with that bod, that she’s going to run off into the horizon with this studman. Why is all this so difficult to comprehend?? Pfffft. I mean, he IS the fuckin’ man!

  15. eliza bennet says:

    This one deserves to be in Best of Sahil, best Eid film review ever :) Thx man.

  16. Vikas says:

    Holy Motherwhore! That’s a classic! Awesome post, as usual! Loved the blank strip which covered the good parts!! πŸ˜€

  17. Vidooshak says:

    Really nice to see you back at reviewing films when it really matters– BEFORE we see them! Good stuff as always :-)

    Agree with all other posters: how did this become a superhit in 3 languages? Plus, I can foresee BT will report tomorrow that Hollywood is negotiating to buy remake rights of this film…..

  18. Vidooshak says:

    By the way, the only other plot that comes close to being as unreal as this is “Haunted 3D”. I actually didn’t believe you after that strip and this one. But even the Wikipedia article on the original Bodyguard states the plot exactly as you draw it– without batting an eyelid. Wow!

  19. amit says:

    u had me at hello – “Worry not person with shockingly precise information” hahahahahahahahaha This sh*t right here is one of ur best works EVER. Well done and welcome back sahil’s mojo.

  20. magarpatta_city says:

    Guyzzz

    Just back after seeing the hindi version of it… unfortunately I happened to see this review after watching the movie.

    Ashish / Shruthi,

    I saw the Mallu version of it, the story is completely changed… it would have been a super DHUD if the Mallu version had even 30 % of this senseless story…

    -MPC

  21. Puja says:

    Good to see you back in form. I usually don’t watch any of these movies, but I look forward to your reviews. I think it’s great Bollywood makes such trash – great inspiration for great work from you. πŸ˜€

  22. haingMan says:

    Salman Khan is such a troll!

    Great review BTW. “Houston, the eagle has landed.” Epic!! πŸ˜€

  23. Heimi says:

    Dude, one of ur best works!!! Ur too awesome!!!!! This shit cudnt have gotten funnier. I love you and ur work! Keep it up! Cheers!

  24. @GuptRogue says:

    I see you decided to self star in the movie? Cheater Rizzu :p. Talk to the bluetooth!

  25. Leia says:

    If it was anyone other than Sallu……….. well, it’d have still run. Welcome to Bollywood! :-)
    Nice one :-)

  26. Oddnari says:

    Gad, that was such dreck. I wish you’d drawn that horror of Sallu’s sidekick. Gad.

    (Btw, it was Divya’s bua, not her mom.)

  27. Ved says:

    Talk to the bluetooth – ROFFL.

  28. Piyush says:

    You fuckin VIGIL, are you an Idiot? Not afraid to be put behind bars under piracy laws for sharing around a copyrighted movie on the internet, and a more interesting version than the original one. Wait till the muscle man gets you….

  29. Jenni says:

    My “favourite” bit about this film is that the whole friend-runs-off-with-lovely-has-son-dies-then-happy-ending-happens takes about 5 minutes to cover. That shit was confusing!

    • ABC says:

      Seriously…is that your reaction…..might be that muscle man listen and make Bodyguard 2 with detailed KKHA story…..

  30. rutumvachmim says:

    Shirt to woh utar hi deta tha…Sahil tere review ne to uski chaddi bhi utar di…..cool review champ. one of the best of your works

  31. Shashi says:

    Awesome man… fuckin hilarious.. i rather read ur reviews than watch movies.. .great going..

  32. […] sense but he sure as hell can sell non-stop-non-sense flicks.Β This isΒ the proof (and here’s a spoof). Bodyguard grossed 100+ fucking crores in less than a week. If this isn’t WTFness, then I […]

  33. Shruti Shreya says:

    ROFL!!! awesome work…love it!!!

  34. Foram says:

    Absolutely amazing! I wish I’d read this before I decided to end my life by watching this movie!!!!!!!

  35. maria says:

    i don’t even need to see the movie now. thanks, i think.

  36. Elizabeth says:

    Being from Kerala, I have watched the original movie with Dileep and Nayanthara and has been cursing this “Kuch Kuch Hota Hai” with a stupid twist. And imagine the surprise of all the Malayalees when they came to know that this stupid movie is being remade into Hindi with Sallu as the lead actor.

    I just wish more people read this review before wasting their money and time watching this stupidity… If they are so desperate, let them watch Kuch Kuch Hota Hai once more

  37. NNNiiiXXX says:

    U r the best man… Luv it… All over again… :)

  38. Zubin Garda says:

    Sahil,

    I have been reading EACH and EVERY ONE of your strips. EVERY one.

    But this… THIS one, is the ULTIMATE!!!!

    Definitely not ONE of your best, but has to be THE BEST!!

    So much so that I decided to comment on this.

    Superfragistciallysociallysexuallyhomphobically EXCELLENT!!!! πŸ˜‰

    Zubin

  39. Sami Saayer says:

    FML. btw, where was katrina kaif item number in all this? the 7 year old child’s fantasy?

  40. Angry Fan says:

    Hey Sahil, Love your blog. I’ve been reading it regularly for over a year! Anyways, I came across a video review titled ‘Whats wrong with Bollywood and a mini review of the trailer of MKBD.’

    I reckon its in a similar vein to your blog. Check it out, you might like it.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ARgy8uTSiQ

  41. stickler says:

    Divya => Priya.
    Lovely => Lucky.

    *mild* brain wanderage?
    These movies are clearly taking a toll.

  42. ibrar says:

    best review so far ,of a bogus movie with a bogus plot.people lovin it shuld try “my boss’s daughter”,for atleast holding up some sanity.

  43. san says:

    i just found your blog and nearly died laughing.. these are the funniest comic strips i’ve seen in a while.. for the first time in my life i want salman khan to make more movies, so you can make more such comics! πŸ˜‰

  44. NinjaGirl says:

    Whoa. Terminator 2 and Kuch Kuch Hota Hai watched some really bad p0rn, and kuch kuch hua. Thank you. I will go blow my 250 multiplex bucks on something more brain numbing. Like a Kannada movie.

    • NinjaGirl says:

      However, I also find it extremely depressing that this piece of awesomeness and hallmarkness in filmfuckingmaking has grossed an obscene amount of money. That’s it. I’m going to expose my story: that I kissed a frog once, and it wasn’t a proper kiss, so it only transfigured halfway into Rakhi Sawant.

  45. fatima says:

    funniest thing i’ve read in a long long looooong time!!

  46. Moumita says:

    Here is a little awesomeness that you missed.
    While our He-man was waiting for Twooo Love etc at the station and the genius mistaken identities plot begins for the next 10 years, let us not forget that the whole time… the whole time, he has a freaking bullet in his big manly arm.
    O and the only thing this invincible mard is scared of, is of course, a gay dude who wears make-up.
    You are right… one wants to stop infantilizing the audience, but then Bodyguard breaks all records!

  47. Christina says:

    So hilarious! My favourite line was “talk to the bluetooth.” ROFL.

  48. anzo says:

    DUDE seriously? It’s like the fucked up lovechild of every Salman Khan movie ever, and Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. I know logic and Salman Khan films aren’t two things that generally go together, but DUUUDE WTF? I haven’t seen the movie at all, and I’m in splits.

  49. Mahwash B. says:

    Reading this was cathartic!

  50. Gunjan says:

    Loll too good, the last bubble said it all – the worst Eid ever!

  51. zeba says:

    exactly how i felt about the movie…….and there are people who actually thought this movie is brilliant *sigh*

  52. Bee says:

    You illustrate the most hilarious and truthful reviews… hehehe
    subbing you :)

  53. Emil Negi says:

    Great Stuff, Sahil! :) This website is one of those ‘places’ that I come to when I’m totally brain-dead. Keep ’em coming! :)

  54. Anonymous says:

    Man that was some cool shit!

    Love it… A friend recommended it on FB and now I’m going to read ’em all!

    Keep ’em coming….

  55. CrazyBunchie says:

    That was some funny shit,a total mood-lifter.You’re awesome!:D

  56. sharumi says:

    that the best movie i ever saw…wtf man its bollywood thoda bahut toh chalta h

  57. sharumi says:

    zxzxxz

  58. sharumi says:

    wtf mann bodyguard is one f ma fav movies..its bollywood yaar thoda bahut toh chalta h

  59. Rkrish says:

    Most WTF’d :-)

    U Rock dude … What a narration it is !!!

  60. Dee says:

    I’m not ashamed to say that I totally loved this movie, ridiculous as it was… but I LOVE your review just as much. You, my friend, ROCK!! My fave part was the dead bad guys lying around while Lovely got his next assignment. And the blank panel showing the best of the girls’ truly infantile ‘highlarious hijinks’. Great stuff.

  61. Shreeta says:

    can i just say…every single one of these comic strips have epic ending…and in this case even after watching the movie..i can say that the last part was rounded off better than on the movie!!!

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